Here we are at the end of our deployment....I can see the light. He will be home soon. As hard as this deployment has been, it has also been a huge eye-opener for me and enabled me to do some soul searching on myself.
When Dave left back in July, I thought to myself "How the HELL am I going to do this alone?" - two very active, very smart kids who both require and deserve a great deal of attention without Dave home to help and while trying to finish school. How am I going to keep my sanity? Will my kids survive without getting the same attention from me and my husband like they did before?
Well.....we survived. During this deployment, I ran two half marathons and a full marathon, with a few 8ks and 5ks sprinkled in there. I battened down the hatches when the hurricane blew through in August, downing trees in our neck of the woods, along with knocking out power for two days; I spackled and painted around our house; and most importantly, I am now TWO classes away from graduating with my Bachelor's in criminal justice.....only 8 years since I initially began college at a traditional four year institution - I never thought I would go back to school and graduate, but I am so proud of myself for getting back on the horse. It definitely hasn't been easy.....Leo began preschool, Laney is walking (running) and talking. Most of all, Dave and I grew leaps and bounds in our marriage over the past several months. We're the type with very open lines of communication - we tell each other how it is and work from there. We're head thinkers, rather than emotional thinkers - for the most part. I think we grew to understand one another more, accept things for how they are, and we have been able to realize without much shame, when one of us goofs up and are then, better able to say sorry. And now, we are closer than ever.
BUT, I didn't do all of this alone...I couldn't have done all of this alone. Our family has sacrificed so much to help us - time off work to come down here and just BE here for a weekend; watched the kids for me while I ran races or did training runs; got us through the holidays and ALL of our stuff back afterward; just given my kids that extra bit of attention that I know they miss from only having one parent at home; care packages to Dave.....My running club has supported me through all of my training and races and all of the ups and downs a deployment can bring to one tired Momma; my neighbors - my one neighbor's husband was home for R & R for two weeks when the hurricane came through, and he spent the day after cleaning up my yard, hooking my fridge up to a generator, and fed me and the kids. His wife has watched the dog, the house, and my mail for me on countless occasions and their children have been good friends to Leo. Across the street, my other neighbors have been just as wonderful, swapping the kids so she and I both have gym time, alone time, sanity time. I am sure there are countless other things I could say to explain how everyone in my life has helped me achieve so much this deployment.
I figured out WHO I am and what I want out of life. Before this, I lived with my world revolving around Dave and our kids - I struggled with finding my place in his world and truth be told, I was unhappy. I have never been more comfortable with the person that I am today. I love school and love to learn. I hated running before, but now it's such a great stress outlet for me, I cannot imagine NOT running. I feel like I have found myself and share a life WITH Dave, as opposed to living in his world. For anyone really, especially military spouses, it is SO important to find your own way, your own life outside of your husband's - because when and if they do leave and you're left behind, it can be very lonely and very depressing. It's lonely and depressing as it is, which is why women in my situation need to get out there and have a life too, otherwise, the harshness of this life will eat you alive - it can be very maddening being alone for extended periods of time, especially with children. And even from afar, my husband has done nothing but encourage and support me through everything - my insane school schedule, making new friends, running, impromptu Groupon-buying Laser hair removal (it was a really good deal, :) ), everything I have done, he has been completely supportive. Now looking back, I think "How the HELL did I do all that?" - and truth be told, it all seems like a blur. But, the medals hang on my treadmill, my kids are happy, we are all OK. My husband says that I am his hero, but he is mine. He's enabled me to do all of this, with the support of our family and friends.
Soon we will welcome Dave back home and get on with our lives. What's next for us - we move to COLORADO in the summer. It's a scary and exciting though - exciting because I have heard nothing but great things about the area, scary to be so far away from our family, who has been my backbone throughout this deployment. While where we will go is certain, it makes me nervous to think about a cross country drive, finding a home, etc. But, for the first time, my husband will be here with me to help me make these decisions. So, now, the kids and I wait for him to be home and our entire family is so thankful to be immersed in such a great support system that has made this deployment so much easier on all of us. What am I looking forward to most when Dave does finally get back???? The honeymoon phase that I hope lasts well into 2012! Cheers!
